Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Today's testimony 

GOP Senator: Mr. Kay, would you agree that although you have asserted that Saddam Hussein had neither large nor small stockpiles of WMD, nonetheless there is no conclusive evidence that he did not have programs which may have resulted in either medium or medium-small stockpiles?

David Kay: Absolutely, sir. May I compliment you on the acuity of your thinking.

GOP Senator: Yes. And you also mentioned a large bag of anthrax.

David Kay: Sir, a bag of anthrax has in fact been referred to.

GOP Senator: A bag that, were it to exist, could result in the deaths of millions of Americans in a single unspeakable "day of horror"?

David Kay: It is an undeniable fact that it is possible for words to refer to objects in the physical world which could and can, given time, come into actual being. May I also say that I personally believe Saddam Hussein was bad man and that the world is a safer place without him. I would draw your attention to the rape rooms.

GOP Senator: As well as the babies boiled in oil?

David Kay: Then thrown in mass graves following the boiling, sir.

GOP Senator: And would you also agree that despite apparent flaws in certain lower realms of the intelligence community, it would be impossible for President Bush to deliberately mislead the public, because of the fact that his heart is pure?

David Kay: Senator, all of our evidence shows that the President's heart is in fact pure and good. May I also add God Bless America, as the President has himself noted.

GOP Senator: Thank you, Mr. Kay.

David Kay: No, thank you sir. May I also observe how fetching you look in that tie.

Democratic Senator: Mr. Kay, isn't it true that in light of the evidence you've presented before this body today, that various representations made repeatedly and insistently by the President personally, as well as members of his cabinet including the Vice President, the National Security Advisor, the Secretary of State, and the Secretary of Defense, have now been shown to be demonstrably and factually false?

David Kay: [...]

Democratic Senator: Mr. Kay?

David Kay: I can't hear.

Democratic Senator: Would you like me to repeat the question?

David Kay: I disagree with whatever you said. I'm bored. I want lunch.

Democratic Senator: Yes. Well, thank you for your service.

GOP Senator: Moving on to tort reform...


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