Thursday, February 05, 2004

Speak of the Devil 

Republicans are calling Senator John Kerry a Massachusetts liberal, a charge that proved devastating to Michael S. Dukakis in 1988.
Where are the "quotations marks," one might ask, around "Massachusetts liberal"? Well, according to the author of this New York Times news article, Robin Toner, there don't need to be any! I guess that's because the real news here isn't that Ed Gillespie, like an angry baby, is calling Kerry names--the news is there is some actual thing called "a Massachusetts liberal"--some thing that everyone knows about--and Republicans are calling Kerry that thing--nay, charging him with being that thing!

How will Kerry respond to this devastating charge?

Get it?

Story A: A large portion of Bush's Air National Guard Service is not accounted for.

How does one verify this? By research and reporting.

Story B: John Kerry is a Massachusetts liberal.

How does one verify this? By repetition and tautology.

It's fair and balanced coverage of the two parties' respective "attacks" on the opposing party's candidate! Get it? The two parties attack one another! Thanks for this news, Robin Toner! Welcome to 2004, everyone!

[Vomit. Self-soiling. Mercy-coma.]


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