Tuesday, April 13, 2004

"Anything tangible" 

Giuseppe Abote reports:

A truly horrifying moment occurred during last night's telecast of the Miss USA pageant on NBC. One of the five finalists, Missouri, was called to the stage to answer her final question. The contestants' real names were never mentioned -- they just went by "Missouri," "Vermont," etc. But prior to this, in a brief biographical video, we had learned the exact dimensions of Missouri's bust. And we were treated to this quote: "My favorite thing to do, if I had to choose one thing to do, would be anything tangible."

So Missouri stepped to the podium. The host, some feathery-haired entertainment reporter who had been struggling mightily to affect the demeanor of a highly aroused heterosexual man, announced that this question came from another finalist, North Carolina.

"Missouri," he read, "do you believe that celebrities should express their opinions about politics?"

Without hesitation, Missouri replied, "Absolutely not!" She then embarked on a confusing disquisition on the freedoms we ought to grant Hollywood stars -- basically nothing other than the bare-bones human rights to live, breathe and vote. Then she blurted out, apropos of nothing, that she was proud to be a Missourian, that Missouri was the moral heartland of America.

After a commercial break, Missouri was awarded the title of Miss USA 2004.


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