Monday, June 07, 2004


My corpse is smiling optimistically.
Republicans, Democrats Hail Reagan's Optimism

Had enough of those whining liberal gloom-and-doomers who keep saying you have to share your country with blacks, with queers, with poor people, with feminists, with sick dirty scheming commie pinko degenerate wimps?

Well, here's the Good News: It's morning in America!

That's right, fellow white men. Sick of being stuck in a dead-end blue-collar job? Sick of the shiftless Negro who got promoted over you just because you were white? Sick of your hard-earned money being doled out to welfare queens? Sick of women's libbers, faggots, hippies and immigrants screaming in the streets, burning flags, breeding like demented rabbits, having all the fun, destroying the moral fabric of America?

Well, there's bad news and good news. The bad news is that your miserable existence is only going to get worse--we're going to cut your services and redistribute income to the rich. We're going to guarantee your schools go to shit, your air and water and land get polluted out the ass, your health care disappears, and that all of our friends and cronies continue to get incredibly rich. Basically, you're fucked.

But the good news is: you're white! You are a white man! Jesus Christ has endowed you with an immutably white, pure American soul!

Rejoice--you're not a black!

Rejoice--you're not a queer!

Rejoice--you're not a dirty, handout-seeking immigrant!

Rejoice--because you have the power to allow yourself to be shat on by people as strong and powerful as us!

Rejoice--because even as we're shitting in your mouth, you get to give a big fat white American middle finger to those people even more worthless and less fortunate than you!

Torch the past! Torch history! Poor people don't exist! AIDS doesn't exist! Pollution doesn't exist! No one's getting murdered in your name!

So let's see those smiles, America! Just shut up, look straight ahead, keep watching the TV, wipe your ass on the flag, then wrap that flag around you, place one hand over your heart, salute General Jesus, set yourself on fire, swallow a turd, and be proud of the New Free American Kingdom!


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