Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Convention: Night 2 

Ah, delicious. Sometimes it's gratifying to see that the Media Whores aren't really evil Furies sent by the RNC to spread lies--they're simply whores. And although they prefer to chew on large, juicy turds, regurgitate them and offer them up to the TV "audience," when they realize that everybody else is having a party and snacking on truth and beauty, they prefer to go along for the ride.

Yes, there was Wolf Blitzer "bringing in another one of our analysts" (to respond to Ted Kennedy's speech), and that "analyst" turns out to be the small-animal-torturing disappointed-ex-Phys-Ed-teacher-cum-ex-Pentagon-"spokeswoman" Victoria Clarke, defiling the audience with a thin stream of gray diarrhea that dribbled forth from her tight, pursed mouth. Yes, Blitzer asked whether Kennedy's speech was "too liberal, too historic." (Yes: "too historic.")

Yes, there was skull-covered-with-wax-then-frozen-and-irradiated Judy Woodruff, claiming "Howard Dean is not where John Kerry is and a lot of Democrats are on these issues"--i.e. "totally against the war" and "against giving Bush a blank check." (Yeah, Kerry was totally for giving Bush a blank check.)

Yes, we had to listen to the irradiated skull noting that "A lot of us were fooled...Dean did a great job on TV and in igniting the left wing of his party...."

Yes, we had to listen to irrepressible mass-stupidifier Tweety ask his "guests" the same question about Teresa Heinz Kerry over and over again, recycling the words "spicy," "exotic," "Latin" and "Peoria" (as in "But isn't she too spicy and exotic for those people in Peoria?")--without irony!

But oh, the deliciousness of Candy Crowley--betraying her pathetic middle-school wannabe-popular-girl soul--declaring (with as much eloquence as she is capable of mustering): "With Obama, it was like, wow."

That's right, Candy--it was like, wow.

To see Nina Easton, powder-faced ditz of the Boston Globe, gushing "My favorite was 'the audacity of hope'..."

To see Tweety and Fineman hail the arrival of the New Democratic Party in the faces of Obama, Ron Reagan, and Teresa Heinz Kerry.

To see the typically repulsive Andrea Mitchell hailing Heinz Kerry vigorously against the best efforts of Joe Scarborough to suffocate himself on a shit-clod lodged in his windpipe and turning his face purple with jealous despair.

To see Fineman declare that the developing message of this Democratic Party was about "what we are as a people."

It's now midnight, and the atmosphere (at least on CNN and MSNBC) is one of celebration and admiration.

Oh, man. What could they do? There was Obama's genius and sublimity, Reagan's sincerity and compassion, Heinz Kerry's depth, smarts, and tenderness. What could the whores do but put the shit back in the freezer and sip champagne?


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