Dear Brian Lehrer,

I've been unfortunate enough to hear some of your "coverage" of the Democratic convention this week--particularly your turd-swapping and -munching with professional shit-slingers John Podhoretz and Glenn Reynolds ("Instapundit.")

Your game was up long ago--you don't care a damn about trying to be "fair" and "balanced" by giving airtime to these petty fascists. You're just a snivelling little third-rate media whore pandering to "pundits" who you probably wish were clamoring for your ear, so they could shit in it, rather than you clamoring for their "views" and "analyses."

You probably wish you were on cable news shows every night, mugging for the cameras as Joe Scarborough and Van Susteren shit on your face.

Let me help you, since I am a liberal, local New Yorker, a natural constituent of your radio programming: Fuck you. I hate you. Take this as symbolic of a massive lack of appreciation of you among all craven liberals, and use it as a justification to jump ship and become a full-fledged "conservative" pundit. I am personally handing you a resentment you can take over to Fox (if they'll have you) and nurse, and cherish. We don't want you anymore. Go: get out. I'd rather John Podhoretz hosted your program than you. Because you pretend to be a thoughtful, liberal-minded host who is willing to listen to differing "opinions" (when in fact you preside over a charade in which people whose language precludes all thinking and all rational opinion-formation are permitted to spit robotic poison at a microphone) you are a living symbol of everything that's corrupt, and ridiculous, and shameful and degrading about the media.

Please, just go. You make me sick. Go kneel down before those who will pretend to love you.