Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Christ returns, takes a shit on Rockefeller tree
Dear Editor,Keep reading. It gets better.I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, 'If you see it in the Sun, it's so.' Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?
Virginia O'Hanlon, 115 West 95th Street
NO ONE NOTICED, of course, but last year, I did not file a column on Christmas week. This was not because I was too busy with a long schedule of holiday merry-making.
On the contrary: As editor Jeff Koyen can attest, I actually tried to write a column on Christmas last year. I spent three long days reading and rereading the old New York Sun's hideous "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" column, and tried to come up with a satisfying counter-argument. The opening was easy enough:
Dear Virginia,
Your little friends are right. There is no Santa Claus. And not only that, but within about five years, you'll be on your knees in a Port Authority rest room, sucking a stranger's cock for a dollar...
The column degenerated into a string of obscenities. If I remember correctly, the ending was something like, "Oh, and incidentally, Francis P. Church died in the arms of another man, broke and scorned by his family." It was a really angry piece of writing. Too angry to be coherent. At the end of the three days, I gave up and asked Koyen for a mulligan. A week later my fangs had retracted, and I was back cheerfully offering my worthless opinions on the political issues of the day.
P.S. I thought you'd all be happy to know that in a staff editorial in today's New York Daily News (not the 'conservative,' Murdoch-owned Post), we are told that the murderous and fraudulent loser of the second and fair Ukrainian election, because he is now reluctant to concede defeat, is kind of like "the Al Gore of Kiev."
posted by speakingcorpse : 12/28/2004 03:28:00 PM
