Monday, May 07, 2007

Homeland defended from freaky Canadian money by crack squad of insanely high U.S. retards 

Wow. Just wow. According to the AP:
WASHINGTON - An odd-looking Canadian quarter with a bright red flower was the culprit behind a false espionage warning from the Defense Department about mysterious coins with radio frequency transmitters, The Associated Press has learned.

The harmless "poppy quarter" was so unfamiliar to suspicious U.S. Army contractors traveling in Canada that they filed confidential espionage accounts about them. The worried contractors described the coins as "filled with something man-made that looked like nano-technology," according to once-classified U.S. government reports and e-mails obtained by the AP.

The supposed nano-technology on the coin actually was a protective coating the Royal Canadian Mint applied to prevent the poppy's red color from rubbing off. The mint produced nearly 30 million such quarters in 2004 commemorating Canada's 117,000 war dead.

"It did not appear to be electronic (analog) in nature or have a power source," wrote one U.S. contractor, who discovered the coin in the cup holder of a rental car. "Under high power microscope, it appeared to be complex consisting of several layers of clear, but different material, with a wire-like mesh suspended on top."

The confidential accounts led to a sensational warning from the Defense Security Service, an agency of the Defense Department, that mysterious coins with radio frequency transmitters were found planted on U.S. contractors with classified security clearances on at least three separate occasions between October 2005 and January 2006 as the contractors traveled through Canada.

And here's the best part:
The Defense Security Service never examined the suspicious coins, spokeswoman Cindy McGovern said.
Sounds like someone got a hold of a "poppy quarter" up there, if you know what I mean, and then got a major case of the fear.

If I were advising my compatriot Rudy, I'd have the campaign immediately mail Canadian currency to all Americans in the GOP voter vault, thereby triggering a wave of demented panic that sweeps him into office.


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