Saturday, April 09, 2005

Unity, Reaffirmation, Necro-Porn 

Well, the WaPo's Jim VandeHei has just been on a holy-roll of late. First he enlightened us with this article:

Freedom, Culture Of Life United Bush and Pope

and now he looks deeper into the Bush side of the Bush/Pope Unity with

Bush: Funeral a 'Reaffirmation'

So, what exactly was being 'reaffirmed'?

"I knew the ceremony today would be majestic, but I didn't realize how moved I would be by the service itself," said Bush, a Protestant who attends [sic] a Methodist church.


"Today's ceremony, I bet you, for millions of people, was a reaffirmation . . . and a way to make sure doubts don't seep into your soul."

What?? To make sure doubts don't "seep" into your soul?

In an interview with reporters aboard Air Force One en route to Texas from Rome, an unusually introspective Bush called the funeral ceremony one of the "highlights of my presidency."

I'll bet it was. I'll bet. It. Was.

"I think John Paul II will have a clear legacy of peace, compassion and a strong legacy of setting a clear moral tone," Bush said, later asking reporters to amend his remarks to insert "excellent" to describe the legacy.

Where exactly was "excellent" to be inserted? An "excellent legacy of peace..."? Or an "excellent legacy of setting a clear moral tone"? Or a "strong excellent legacy"? Or a strong legacy of setting "a clear excellent moral tone"? Which is it, Jim VandeHei?

[The Pope] also attacked what he considered moral relativism inside and outside the church and held a rigid line against contraception, abortion, cloning and same-sex marriage.

Death penalty, anyone? War? Hell-oo-oo?

President Bush's presence at perhaps the largest funeral in history -- and his deeply personal remarks about God and faith afterward -- illustrate how America's views of religious expressions and its role in politics have changed over the years.

Interesting. What, exactly, Mr. VandeHei, does Bush "presence" "illustrate" about "America's"--yes, America's--"views of religious expressions"? Am I out of my mind, or is this writer saying anything at all here?

The pope was an unwavering critic of Bush's support for the death penalty and of the invasion of Iraq, but they shared a passion for promoting religious freedom, liberty and what both called a "culture of life."

"But" is right. Same "passion," same "culture of life." Bush, Pope. Get it?

"My relationship with John Paul II was a very good relationship," Bush said, noting how in their final meeting, on June 4, 2004, the pontiff "made his points to me with his eyes."

Interesting. I've heard Terri Schiavo was also a notable practitioner of this "eye-point" mode of communication. Vladimir Putin's eyes have also been observed to be a window to his [Putin's] soul, which from the best reports is just a fantastic, A-1 soul.

At times using language familiar to Evangelicals, including talking in some detail about faith as a spiritual "walk" with Christ, the president said viewing the pope's body made him feel "much more in touch with the spirit."

"Viewing the pope's body" made him "feel" that. Bush "feels" that. He "feels." Hmm.

I think Frank Rich's new column can shed some light on just what exactly is being "reaffirmed," and what Bush "feels" when he views corpses:

Mortality - the more graphic, the merrier - is the biggest thing going in America. Between Terri Schiavo and the pope, we've feasted on decomposing bodies for almost a solid month now. The carefully edited, three-year-old video loops of Ms. Schiavo may have been worthless as medical evidence but as necro-porn their ubiquity rivaled that of TV's top entertainment franchise, the all-forensics-all-the-time "CSI." To help us visualize the dying John Paul, another Fox star, Geraldo Rivera, brought on Dr. Michael Baden, the go-to cadaver expert from the JonBenet Ramsey, Chandra Levy and Laci Peterson mediathons, to contrast His Holiness's cortex with Ms. Schiavo's.

It goes on. Amazingly, he doesn't mention the Reagan corpsophagofest from a year ago.

But his point his clear: Bush feasts on corpses. And Americans--while sometimes betraying a more squeamish side--generally share this appetite for decomposing flesh. They dig it. Crying corpses, laughing corpses, smiling corpses, holy corpses, damned corpses, celebrity corpses of all stripes. They really dig it.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

I see dead people 

AmCop satirical letter, December '04:

Additionally, I remember watching young girls, not even 18, dance during halftime in next to nothing showing off their firm, smooth, nubile, firm, 18-year old bodies and enticing the men in the audience to lustful, impure, pornographic, lustful thoughts. When I was in school it was called the "Dance Team", but really should have been titled "Painted Ladies of Babylon" which would have been more accurate and warned more people as to what was going on.

Confirmation that the demons in my head are real, March '05:

The bill filed by state Rep. Al Edwards, D-Houston, would ban "sexually suggestive" performances by school dance teams, drill teams and cheerleaders at athletic events or competitions. A squad that performs an inappropriate routine could be banned from performing for the rest of the school year, and the district or campus could be fined.

"I don't think that children should think that they can do these sexually oriented types of marches or dances," Edwards said last week. "And that's when they get the most cheering from all the young people in the stands.

Help me.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Actual Washington Post headline 

Freedom, Culture Of Life United Bush and Pope

Ha-ha. HAAAAA.

He is the same Bush who last year ridiculed death row inmate Karla Faye Tucker, whining in mock exaggeration in an interview that Tucker begged, ''Please don't kill me.'' Bush, who has made his Christianity part of his resume, mocked Tucker even though she said she had found Christ.

In Texas, 232 people have been executed since 1973, and more than 450 are on death row. If Texas were a nation, it would rank fifth in the world in executions.

America We Stand as One 

Now more than ever, I think we need to watch this video.

(Thanks to The Fixin's Bar.)

Monday, April 04, 2005

Breaking: Princess Reagan's Feeding Tube Removed 

Has anyone heard anything about something happening to the Pope? There have been some rumors on the internets, but--as usual!--I haven't been able to find any coverage in our so-called "mainstream" media. Luckily, Finchy weighs in with the following commentary, which hopefully can shed some light on the situation:
One has to admire the stalwart objectivity of the New York Times, who described John Paul II as a "Church Shepherd and Catalyst for World Change." I had not been aware that "shepherd" was an official position within the Catholic Church, but I am gratified that the Times acknowledged his catalytic nature, which I had always esteemed as one of his finest qualities.  In science, the "catalyst" is that wonderful extra element that sparks a chemical reaction, and in fact our dearly departed Pope was just that when he encouraged African nations to avoid the use of condoms and did his best to contribute to the worldwide spread of AIDS!  And who can forget JP2's shepherding of the Catholic Church in Central and South America in the 1980s, when he systematically destroyed the faith-based class struggle that had been fomenting naturally within the Church in countries such as El Salvador and Nicaragua?  Admittedly this might be seen as a bit of an anti-catalyst move, seeing as the Pope basically squelched a movement that could have led to more rights for the poor in those countries, but we can't forget that sometimes a shepherd has to lead his flock off the cliff to save them from themselves!  And who can forget his profoundly catalytic "apology" for the Church's role in the Holocaust, right on time in 1998?  Of course he didn't mention the Holocaust by NAME, but who's perfect, right?  You've gotta cut a little slack for a man who was, after all, singlehandedly responsible for bringing down Communism!  And don't forget the vestments--they alone warrant the Times' entire section ("John Paul II," p. 39) on this great man who catalyzed so much and changed so little.


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